


fluidity

by victuri



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Katsuki Yuuri, i write his name like yuri fight me, its yuri!!! on ice for a reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 16:32:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8379475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victuri/pseuds/victuri
Summary: After Onsen on Ice, Yuri has some things to think about.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *unoriginal title is unoriginal*
> 
> so!!!! i think genderfluid yuri is Good n i felt the need to share it. i may or may not have gone a little overboard with including my headcanons but no spoilers ~~i did i went overboard but shhh~~
> 
> psst it's also on [tumblr](http://victyuuri.tumblr.com/post/152303424388/fluidity)

After his Onsen on Ice performance, all Yuri really wants to do is skate some more. He skates when he’s anxious, after all, and if he had to describe in one word how he felt right after it would be just that – anxious. 

He should be happy – and he is! – but there’s something nagging in the back of his head, even as Victor sits him down to eat celebratory pork cutlet bowls. Soon, though, his worries get buried beneath the cheerful atmosphere. He mostly forgets about what’s troubling him until some hours later, when Victor is passed out drunk on the table and Yuri himself is a little tipsy as well. 

“I’m going to bed,” he announces, even though Victor is the only person left in the room with him and not in any state to listen to what he has to say. 

It’s when he’s making his way through the dimly lit hallway towards his room that it all comes rushing back to him. All of his doubts and confusion slam into him like a physical force, strong enough to actually make him stumble. He sags against the wall while he tries to regain his composure. It’s no use, though – those confusing thoughts keep whirling around in his mind, no matter what he does. 

Yuri tries to resist the instinct to run off to the Ice Palace like he always does, but the thoughts are so overwhelming that he eventually gives in. He just – he feels like he has to do _something_.

Since everybody else has gone to bed already, Yuri figures he won’t be missed for a couple of hours. He goes to his room to get his skates and put on some more appropriate skating clothes, then heads outside, making sure to be as quiet as possible. 

He makes it to the front door of the Ice Castle before he realizes that, _duh_ , it won’t be open. It’s the middle of the night – Yuuko left the celebration of Yuri’s victory a while ago, so of course she’d be asleep. He shouldn’t call her. Yuri knows she’d wake up and open the door for him, but he also knows she has to get up early in the morning. He shouldn’t call her, and yet… 

If he doesn’t clear his head now – something he can only manage by _moving_ – he thinks he might go insane. So, even though he feels horrible about it, he calls Yuuko. 

She doesn’t pick up immediately, but when she does, Yuri only has to say a few words to make her understand. “I’ll be right there,” she says, then hangs up without even giving Yuri a chance to apologize for waking her up. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuri starts as soon as he sees Yuuko approach, but she holds up a hand to stall any further words. 

“Don’t worry about it. You know I’m always happy to help. Just,” she narrows her eyes at him, “don’t make it a habit.”

A blush rises on Yuri’s face. “Y-yes, sorry.” He relaxes a little when Yuuko smiles at him and goes to unlock the door. Suddenly, he is overcome with gratitude for her. She has helped him so many times, even though she didn’t have any reason to do so. When she’s done and putting her keys back into her pocket, Yuri says, “Thank you, Yu-chan.”

Yuuko waves her hand in dismissal. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help you out when you’re obviously having a crisis?”

“How-” Yuri doesn’t even finish his thought. He’s been friends with Yuuko since they were little. Even after those years spent apart, she still knows him better than he does himself at times. It only stands to reason she’d realize something was wrong. 

Yuuko’s eyes soften. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I—not now.” Yuri swallows the lump that’s started to form in his throat. He needs to think about this before he talks to somebody else about it. “Later.”

For a moment, Yuuko just stares at him, like she’s trying to look right through him. Finally, she nods her assent. “Alright, later it is. Go get your skates on, I’ll make sure everything’s ready for you when you’re done.”

Yuri steps onto the ice a few minutes later and it’s – freeing. It feels like a huge weight has lifted, finally giving him room to think. 

He hadn’t planned on practicing anything specific, but after a few moments Yuri finds himself recreating some of the moves from his Eros program. It’s so easy to slip into the skin of the beautiful woman in the story he created – a little _too_ easy, he thinks.

Yuri has, for the most part, always been secure in calling himself a man. Sure, he can be a little ‘girly’ at times, and okay, maybe he doesn’t necessarily feel like a _guy_ all the times, but who’s to say what it feels like to be a guy? He’d always just assumed it was normal to feel different – _feminine_ – every so often. 

Now, though, he’s thinking it might not be that simple. If it’s so easy to feel like a woman, almost natural, maybe that means—

Slowly, Yuri comes to a halt. “Yu-chan?” he asks. Yuuko hums in acknowledgement, but Yuri doesn’t immediately ask what he really wants to. He’s afraid of what her answer will be, afraid of what it could mean for him. “Do you, um.” He giggles, nervous, before just blurting it all out. “What does it feel like to be a woman?”

At first, it seems like Yuuko might laugh at him. It’s probably just surprise, though, since she turns serious almost immediately. “I’m… not sure. It doesn’t really feel like anything.” Her brows pull together in thought. “It’s just something I _know_ , I guess?”

Yuri’s face falls in disappointment. He’d hoped for a different answer, something clearer, even though he knows he can’t expect Yuuko to have all the answers. This is something he has to figure out for himself. 

“You know, Yuri,” Yuuko says. “I think it feels different for everybody. Some women feel feminine all the time and others don’t. And,” she pauses hesitantly, “some men might feel a little more like a woman than a man sometimes. There’s nothing wrong or unnatural about that.”

Yuri’s breath catches in his throat, held there by the weight of his gratitude and – and something else. Something he’ll think about more later. “Thank you. That really helps.”

“Not a problem.” Yuuko smiles, the tender kind of smile she sometimes directs at the triplets. “Feel better?” When Yuri nods, she waves for him to come towards her. “Come on, then. If we leave now, I might actually be able to get some sleep tonight.”


End file.
